A letter to my one-year-old...

My sweet little boy...

You are officially no longer a baby. You are a one-year-old. Just the realization of this makes my head whirl.

One year ago today, Daddy and I had the most terrifying morning of our lives. A frantic trip to the hospital and the realization that you were coming, seven weeks early, ended with the most perfect blessing of our lives. You. You are a miracle. You came out screaming and proved the world wrong. We were told you'd probably be puny and sick, with under-developed lungs, and you'd have to be whisked away to CHKD. But no, you were strong and healthy and perfect. We were told you might be in there until your due date...but nope, you proved us wrong by coming home twelve days later. And ever since then, you've been calling the shots. You've grown and blossomed, you've surpassed our expectations in every way. Now, a year later, you're a crawling, babbling, noisy little fella.

It astonishes me how much you change everyday. I swear, sometimes I wake you up in the morning and you look three inches longer or feel like you weigh a pound heavier. I love how when you encounter something new, Daddy and I can almost see you figuring it out...how you'll hold it, turn it around in your hands, scrunch up your forehead (just like me!) and contemplate that new object. Somewhere between March of last year and this, I blinked...somehow, time slipped away...sped up... Time took away my teeny, tiny little Jellybean and replaced him with a beautiful little blonde-haired toddler.

You are a miracle. Never forget that. You are a direct result of God's amazing love and miraculous wisdom. You are covered in His fingerprints, He continues to mold you and change you every day of your life. You are a testament to the existence of God. How from nothing He could create the world, how from two tiny cells He could create the phenomenal human life...how He gave us the ability to love and think and reason, to question and help and forgive. And because of you, I have been humbled in this last year. I haven't gone to sleep a single night without thanking God for YOU and for the hundreds of blessings I experience each day, even the tiny ones I take for granted. I will never, ever, take for granted the gift of being chosen, hand-picked, to be your mom. This is the best job I have ever had. I know that God chose me to be your mom for many reasons. He made me discover my strength by requiring me to look to Him for strength all those days and nights when you were isolated in your incubator. He helped me to find my patience when you woke up each night and just wanted me. He taught me to love, unconditionally. He used you to teach me that I am worthy, that I am capable, that, despite my flaws, I am His child and can, in turn, raise my own child. For these, and many other reasons, I praise my God for you...and I thank you for showing me who I truly am and for expanding the capacity of my own heart.

Caleb, I sometimes have to look at pictures to remember how tiny and helpless you were in the beginning. You are so big, so active, so happy. It's so hard to believe that a year ago today, you depended upon an isolette to keep you warm and a feeding tube to give you sustenance. How far you've come, sweet boy!

Daddy and I are trying very hard to be good parents. We've had our moments. It hasn't always been easy. Sometimes, I was so tired I could have died, but I was too stubborn to ask for help. I thought it was admitting failure on my part. Sometimes, Daddy just didn't understand what you needed and would get so frustrated. Sometimes, I've doubted our ability to parent. But one thing I have never questioned is our ability to love you.

So here's to your first year in our family. You are the reason we ARE a family. You are our biggest blessing, our most perfect creation. You are the missing piece of our puzzle. Caleb, we love you more than you will ever understand. I am so proud of all you've done this year, and I am looking forward to all of the wonderful and amazing things you will accomplish in the year to come.

Happy birthday, my sweet Mr. Moo. Your daddy and I love you...right up to the moon...and back.

Love,
Mommy