Thoughts from a Working Mom

Well, we've been back to school for a month and a half now. Sigh. Let me say it again...
being a working mom sucks.

It's still hard for me to leave my little guy with my parents each morning and drive away. I know he's in good hands, but I still have to really work at not spending my day wondering what he's doing. "Is he hungry now? I wonder if he's sleeping in the Pack and Play. I wish I could hear his giggle. I wonder if he misses me." These things roll around in my brain all day. I think that this has made it especially hard to get through the long days, those days when my students won't listen or when time just slows down. All I want to do is make it through so I can go get my little monkey and hug him. I have not allowed myself to call and check in on him, even once, since I went back to work. I know that would be the end of my sanity for the rest of the day.

I think that all stay at home mommies should have to work full time for one week...just to see how blessed they truly are. I know how exhausting it is to be a SAHM...I had six months of it! But oh, what I would give for that chance again. =)

It's funny, one of my SAHM friends was commenting on how "lucky" I was to be working again because of all the adult interaction. This would be the case for most career women, but for a first grade teacher, not so much. I spend every single planning time (when my kids are in a resource) pumping. I spend four of my five lunch breaks pumping. The only time I interact with the adults is the brief time before school when I'm in the hall, Fridays at lunch, or the one or two times a week when I go to the 2nd grade workroom to pump and their wonderful (and gracious!) Teaching Assistant is in there. (Whom, may I just interject, is a wonderful woman to let two of us nursing mommies make her office our own private pumping station. Given that there is no location within the school where we could go and pump privately otherwise, her office has been our saving grace.)

And as far as a social life goes, it's nonexistent. =) By the time I get the Bean and get home, I cannot WAIT to put on my jammies and be a mommy. B gets home, dinner is usually ready within a few minutes of his arrival, then it's feed/bathe the baby and get him ready for bed. When he's in bed, I clean, make our lunches, do chores, and do all the teacher things I've brought home that night. I'm like an old lady--too pooped to party and too tired to talk. I don't know why I even own a phone anymore. I have nothing exciting to share and don't really feel like talking anyway. I'm tired and sometimes I miss my friends, but honestly...I'm perfectly okay with that. I love being a mommy, I love my Brandon time, and I love getting to bed at a decent hour. We have no spontaneity anymore...but both Brandon and I are perfectly happy with that. We keep to ourselves and save the socializing for the weekends.

I was chatting with a dear, wonderful, wise mommy-friend that I've known since we were little kids. She and I were discussing how sometimes, being a mommy is lonely...how it's the happiest time in your life, but sometimes you just feel alone. She had this to say. "Our friends without children still have their lives. We have to stay home and wipe noses or pump or go to bed early so we can be up at the crack of dawn. We can't go out and just do things on a whim anymore. Our friends without children quit calling us b/c we're always tied down. We feel left behind. Then there are our friends WITH children. That becomes hard, too, especially when they are the competitive type. "my kid walked by the time she was 9 months, my kid says 55 words, my kid is publishing her first novel"... you know what I mean. You end up just not even wanting to be around them." She was right on! I couldn't have said it any better myself. Couple that with constant exhaustion, and you know my life. =)


Oh, and the new show, Up All Night? Yeah. That's us. =)


I do have to say that I have found the most unbelievable group of mommy friends that I have never met. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? Well, it sort of is. There's this group of mommies I have been blessed to "meet" online. We chat everyday. We're located all over the country. We come from all sorts of backgrounds, have all sorts of families, and have all sorts of experiences. Coincidentally, most of us are teacher mommies. But I have to tell you, they read my mind. No matter what I am feeling or experiencing, at least one of them has been there, too. They are the constant pick-me-up I need. We share our triumphs and our difficulties, we keep up with the milestones of our kiddos, we encourage each other when we're down and offer sympathy or words of advice as needed. I feel such a kinship with these gals. And the bonus--no matter what time we're up, someone is guaranteed to be on and ready to chat. Yay for different time zones! Without these gals, I would have already lost my sanity. They've given me SO much help with baby questions and so much love and understanding. I wish every gal could have a group of friends who were so amazing. I am truly blessed to be able to share my world with them, even if it is over the Internet. 


So, in conclusion, I still hate having to leave my little punkin every morning, but I know it's for the best. I also have no social life, but I am cool with that. And, my mommy gals are the most amazing group of women ever. Period.


Now, if I could just win the lottery, everything would be perfect. =)