Reflections on a month with my Caleb...

So it's been an entire month today. I cannot believe it. I mean, he's not supposed to be here yet...and here he's been "out" for a month. Where did the time go??? We were just struggling to visit the hospital multiple times a day, and now he's been home for two whole weeks. It amazes me how much he's already changed...he has a little pot belly now and his cheeks have filled in so much. WOW! If he's changed like that in four weeks, what will he look like in six months?

I still have those moments when I miss being pregnant. I keep catching myself rubbing my tummy before I realize what I'm doing. My skin no longer has that "glow" it did. In fact, it's been replaced with lovely bags under my eyes. =) My life has gone from sleepless nights due to heartburn, aches, and worries about giving birth to nights of interrupted sleep from feedings and waking every time he stirs. (Seriously, do all moms wake at the slightest sound from their little one? B has literally slept through him full-on crying!!!)

This month has been wonderful. Having him home for two weeks has been Heaven. Don't get me wrong...he's not been without his fussy moments. Two nights ago, in particular, was his peak screeching incident so far. No sleep for mommy that night. And he has a lovely habit of saving his fussy nights for Saturday, so B and I haven't made it to church yet. (We can't fall asleep during the sermon, geez!) He's so sweet but so exhausting sometimes. I live my life by 3 hour increments. I schedule his feedings first, then everything else. In fact, I've forgotten to eat lunch 4 out of 5 days this week. (Bad, I know, I'm working on it...) But I just get so caught up in his needs that it doesn't even register that I need to do things for myself. I feel like much of my life is attached to my pump; and I didn't expect so much discomfort if I missed a session with it. Caleb also has lots of diaper changes, which were expected, but I have to check him frequently because he won't even cry if he's wet. I have to say, he's a really good baby. I'm amazed by him everyday. I have forgotten my life before him. I have found that my OCD planning, my need to schedule ages ahead, my checklists for my checklists...well, they're not so important. You've gotta just take each day as it comes. No sleep? Be flexible. Slept well? Run those errands! Kid finally calmed down in his car seat? Just let him snooze in it for a while. We're learning.

It is hard to feel like I am doing this on my own so much of the time. I know I have him all day while B is at work and then I am the one who gets up with him overnight. But we've worked out a system, Caleb and I. He stirs, I wake up before my alarm, I get his diaper changed, I warm his bottle, I tend to my business, I feed him, I rock him, I put the dirty bottle in the sink and the new bottles in the fridge, I put him back in his crib and pray he falls asleep quickly. Most of the time, he's pretty cooperative. During the day, he's really good. I've kept him on the 3-hour schedule he had in the nursery, and he does well with it. I've gotten pretty used to it. And B often feeds him at 6 and 9pm so I can wash bottles and take a shower. In between, I'm sleeping (at night) or doing chores around the house (during the day.) Consequently, I'm having a hard time getting my million thank you notes done in those "in between" times, but they're coming, folks...thanks for your patience. =)


So there it is...one month down. Unfathomable. Didn't think it would ever get here...now I wonder where the time with my baby boy has gone. I hope things slow down, it's hard to think about how quickly the days are passing!



Random cuteness...

In his super cute "I'm so hip" onesie with the footies...

and the little hippo on his hiney

Snuggled on his side. He sleeps like I do, with a hand up by his face.

Wearing the hand-knit "C" bib from Auntie Heather. And see, I TOLD y'all he had eyes! I can't believe I caught them open!