Day 3: Time to go home

As usual, I woke up in time for school. The weather matched my mood; it was rainy and sunny, off and on. My mood was much the same. Sunny for the happiness I felt, for the sweet little boy I'd birthed two days earlier, for the unbridled joy I felt as a mom...but rainy for the fact that we were leaving without him, that he wasn't entirely ready for home, that I was going home without my belly and yet with no one to put in the crib. It was a hard pill to swallow.

The nurse came in to give me my discharge orders and told me I could leave whenever. So I ordered lunch. I was okay with procrastinating on leaving. I think B was more than ready to go, but he could tell I was struggling.

We got to feed Caleb again; he seemed to be doing so well! Richard Castleberry from church paid us a visit and prayed with us. Lunch arrived. And then it was time to pack up and go.

After a teary baby session before lunch, I was ready for another meltdown. But our awesome baby  nurse, Jenn, calmed us down and let me leave feeling so much better.

I know it's hard to leave him, but we're looking at month or so tops. I know he needs to be at the hospital. The staff is phenomenal. And honestly...how many moms have had to leave their babies at the hospital for weeks or months on end? How many never get to take their angels home at all? A few short weeks shouldn't be a big deal.

But then again, this whole week was not in our grand scheme. God has humbled us. Yet again the uncertainty of the days and weeks ahead is a tough thing for a planner like me to deal with.

But we made it. We headed home. I was so glad to get home, despite the mess we'd left behind. B dragged in all of our stuff and I headed for the shower. I had a nice pity party in there, but got myself together before getting out. And, when I did get out, I discovered that B had been frantically cleaning off the kitchen counters because of an ant invasion. Talk about insult to injury!

A few hours later, we headed for our first visit to the nursery. It was sad, but felt like the first part of our new routine. Caleb was doing so well, we were greeted with good news about his eating. Despite the heartbreak of leaving him, we left yet again feeling hopeful and thankful for how healthy he is. This is a battle we can surely survive!

Our last load of goodies before heading home

Caleb looked at me as I said goodbye

We came in as two...and now we're three...